Memories From a Past Life: Remember When the Bathroom Was Private?

I remember in my life before children, the quiet, the solitude, the break that going to the bathroom signified.  Work would be crazy or just annoying me and I could take a few minutes to get my "game face" back on before going over the deep end and telling my mom, my boss, or the stinky guy on the 5th floor the things that really were ruminating in the back of my mind.  I could go into the bathroom three steps from the loony bin, and come back out a normal, sane and functioning member of society.

The bathroom was a place I knew I could find some lost zen in a moment of need.

Fast forward to today.  I no harbor the foolish idea that the bathroom is a safe haven of any sort.  In fact, quite to the contrary, I know that the moment I walk through that door I am cornering myself.  Its like some sensor goes off the moment I sit and every living thing in the entire house wants my attention.  Ryan can't find his wedding ring.  Liam can't remember how to spell "Grandma."  Cora wants another piece of cheese.  The dog is sitting there, looking contentedly at me, eyes full of love.  The cat is doing figure eights around my ankles because she wants more food.  And Neve, is pressed up against my knees, screaming in my face and hitting me with a toothbrush. Did I mention that the President, Pope, and my mother are all simultaneously calling, in desperate need of my infinite wisdom (because, you know, as the mother of three small children I have tons of time for deep thoughts and examination of many diverse topics).

My goal is literally, to get in and out as quickly as possible.  I have come to accept that if I take to long the world will quite literally implode.

When I stood, hugely pregnant, at the precipice of motherhood, I knew this beautiful phase of life would pass quickly and I made a promise to myself to fully embrace and experience all the seasons of raising children.  Relinquishing bathroom privacy was not something I had really taken into consideration.

I wonder if the day will ever come when I go to, um, go, and I miss having a one year old screaming at me.